WT 190: When Bedtime Becomes a Problem
Why does bedtime have to come at the end of the day when we’re already exhausted!? All of us know what it’s like to look forward to getting our little ones down, only to be called back to their rooms again and again or woken up in the middle of the night by a scared little one. If you’re in the middle of a rough sleep season, listen in and be encouraged, you are not alone! We hope Karen’s wisdom equips you to handle the bedtime routine with confidence this evening!
Links from today’s show:
Discipline Lesson (from the Mom Core curriculum)
Intimacy After Babies Wire Talk episode with Dr. Mike Sytsma
Question 1: I feel like we’re probably doing the right thing, but first time mom here! My daughter is 19 months, and we’ve had a solid bedtime routine since she was just a few weeks old- bath, pjs, story, cuddles, crib. Recently, she has been throwing a fit after the last book, begging for more. We thought after a week it would die down. But it hasn’t. She only does it at nighttime, and usually it’s my husband that does nighttime these days. She doesn’t do it to me during nap or the nights I put her down. We’re just confused as to why she’s continuing to throw a fit. Any suggestions? Is this just a toddler thing?
Karen’s Answer: I think it is a toddler thing, or should I say a 19 month old thing, to where she’s realizing she can pitch fits to get her way. She pitches them with her dad because she probably realizes he is softer with her than you are. It doesn’t take children long to realize who and what they can get away with. You have a few choices, tell dad to be firm, and don’t give into her tactics, or you just put her to bed until she gets a little older. But, tell Dad it’s time to toughen up.
Question 2: Our six year old daughter suddenly doesn’t want us to leave her after we put her to bed and has woken me up in the middle of the night a few times and asked me to come in and snuggle with her. She used to sleep through the night so well! She has a night light and a lovie and has never really struggled with anything like this before.
I want to be compassionate without creating bad habits - any words of wisdom or experiences to share?
Karen’s Answer: My children would do that at different ages. What I did was assure them that they were safe, everything was okay and dad and I were down the hall, but we all needed to sleep through the night so stay in your bed. I have even given lots of praise and a treat when they were “brave” and stayed in their bed. Waking up in the middle of the night becomes a habit, and we have to train ourselves to go back to sleep. Keep working with her, I know it’s rough. Try not to go sleep with her in the middle of the night, because when you break that habit, it will be tough.
Question 3: I have 3 kids - almost 4 year old daughter, 2.5 year old son, and a 6 month old son. My husband works nights, so I do bedtime alone most nights. The baby goes to bed around 7 and wakes up at 5:30am or earlier everyday. I’ve tried moving his bedtime later or earlier, and it makes no difference. He’s just an early riser. When the older two nap they go to bed around 8:30pm.
Between their later bedtime and early mornings with the baby, I have no time to myself or with my husband on nights that he’s off. We maybe spend an hour alone together each day. I’m contemplating cutting my toddlers’ naps so they’ll go to bed earlier, but I feel guilty keeping them from napping when they’re tired! I’m exhausted and feeling disconnected from my husband, and I don’t know what to do. HELP! :)
Karen’s Answer: I would totally give up the naps and move their bedtime earlier. I know you probably hate losing the naps, but you could get back your evenings with your husband so that is a good trade off ☺ You could move their naps to earlier and then wake them up early from their naps. Try putting them down right after lunch and don’t let them sleep for more than 2 hours. Then put them to bed by 7:00. You will get an hour and a half back in your night and I think you will be able to tell a difference.
Question 4: Is it okay to put a boundary on sex around bedtime? My husband and I are on two different levels of the priority of sex. I am at home with a 4yr old, 2.5yr old and 8 month old all day. And if sex is going to happen, it needs to happens before 11pm. My husband likes to unwind and watch something and then crawl into bed at 11/11:30 wanting to have sex. Our 4 yr old rises very early and my days are very full. I want to have that quality time with him but am I being unreasonable to draw the line after 11pm?? How would you handle this?
Karen’s Answer: You are not being unreasonable at all. You are willing to have sex, but you are asking for your husband to be sensitive to your needs as well as his own. I think in the stage you are in right now, compromise is needed on both sides. I would have an honest conversation with your husband and tell him you really want to have time with him, but in this stage of your life you need your rest. Remind him it’s not forever. ☺
Show Credits: hosted by Karen Stubbs with Sunny Williams, written & produced by Katie Leipprandt, edited by Kyle Cummings
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