WT 256: Navigating a Family Move
Both Karen and Sunny have moved A LOT in their lifetimes! In this episode, we’re answering questions about preparing your heart to move, staying in touch with friends and family who live far away, and helping your child navigate the difficulties that come with moving frequently.
Mentioned on today’s show:
Marco Polo app for staying in touch
Mom Core - Lesson 6: Contentment
Related Wire Talk episode:
Getting on the Same Page With Your Partner
Related blog post:
Question 1: Hi Karen, my family and I are preparing to move away from family for the first time due to a career opportunity but we are struggling with how to establish the importance of being family-oriented when you’re living away from any family. How were you able to establish the importance of that in your experience with moving? Thank you in advance!
Karen’s Answer: How I did it and do it with Kelsey and her children is we communicate on a regular basis, both with Facetime and phone calls, letters, cards and surprises in the mail. Kelsey’s children are young, and they love Facetiming with us, and we enjoy seeing them too. I think communication is key. Before visits, you as the mom can talk up the grandparents, cousins, maybe pull out photos and talk about the last time you were together and what a great time you had.
If you are talking about how to keep your immediate family important, I think you do that with family dinners at night all gathering around the table together, family nights together with games, or watching movies, family trips to the park, walking around the block after dinner, and those type of things. It’s important you as the mom set the precedent that family comes first.
Question 2: I have a 3.5 year old boy who is my red/yellow child. We recently moved, which was a challenge for him. His sleep took a dive unfortunately in the beginning but luckily is back on track. He dropped his nap a few weeks ago and we transitioned him to a big boy bed. When my daughter was three, we started her on quiet time in her room where she would read or play with some toys and puzzles during what would have been her nap time, it was a struggle for a bit but she caught on and has been doing well ever since.
My son is really struggling with this! I started trying to do quiet time with him, giving him a bucket of cars that’s special for his room time, or some puzzles and blocks. All he does is scream and cry the whole time. I’ve tried letting our dog stay with him, given him time out for screaming, talking to him through the monitor, and just leaving him. One time he screamed so hard he threw up.
I understand with his personality he enjoys being with others, but I need this time for myself and he needs time to decompress from going ninety miles an hour from the moment he wakes up. I don’t know if this will just take longer since he is yellow/red and his sister is blue, but I don’t know what else to do! We’ve been going on at least three weeks with this behavior.
Karen’s Answer: Ask him what he would like to do for his quiet time. Would he like for you to play music really low in his room. When I was a little girl I would listen to the Mary Poppins record and it would always soothe me. You can set a timer and tell him, “You need to stay in your room until the buzzer goes off.” I would keep at it, at least for a few more weeks. Tell him after his rest time you will do something fun, but he must rest for a little bit. Maybe give him a treat if he will do his quiet time.
Question 3: We’ve lived where we are for 6 years. We’ve started a family, I found a home church and really started working on my relationship with Jesus, and we’ve made very close friends here. We move away in April (Air Force family).
My blue is wanting me to start pulling back and stop making new connections here and start guarding my heart so I maybe won’t be as much of a wreck when we leave.
My yellow is all like, “keep adding more friends here! never enough friends!” She’ll be 4 in May. This is all she’s ever known and I’m feeling her heartbreak on top of my own and it crushes me some days. We talk about it almost every day, read books about moving and making new friends, and even looked up videos on YouTube of some attractions around the new city. We’re having a very early birthday party for her so she can celebrate her birthday with her friends before we leave. I’m planning on taking her to Target or somewhere to pick out all new room decor and sheets, etc for her new room as well.
Karen’s Answer: Moving is hard, it sounds like this duty station has been a really good one for you, with great connections and friends. I know that your Blue side is pulling away, but try to stay engaged to the end, the hurt will not stop just because you pull away. God allowed you to make your friends, and who knows, you could keep your friends forever. I still have dear friends in VA that I left 20 years ago, but I still keep in touch and we have visited with one another thought out the years.
It sounds like you are doing all the right things. I love that you are being pro-active and looking for things to do in the new city. Way to go! Let your 4 year old know she can keep in touch with her friends by being their pen pal, drawing a picture for her friends, etc.
As far as yourself feeling that tension of pulling away to guard your heart. I understand that, but thank God for the wonderful friendships you have made over the past 4 years, and ask Him to bless your path for the future.
Question 4: I would love to get some feedback on living away from your family and about moving to be closer to family. My husband and I moved to NC a week after we got married and for the past ten years have lived away from our family in Atlanta. We’ve moved four times for his job and have been in Columbia S.C. for 3 years. I stay home with kids and my husband’s job requires travel about twice a month. His career trajectory with his current company is great, but we will likely move again. Lately, I have been feeling a pull back towards home. I think with the addition of our third child, I’m just overwhelmed. I also would love to work part time down the road and just can’t picture how this will all work.
My husband does not want to move back to our home town. He is content here and would not mind moving again.. he sees benefit in doing things on our own. I miss family and honestly think we would get more help. He has told me he will move back for me but he would likely take a pay cut, cost of living is higher, traffic is worse, and he says our expectations of what things will be likely won’t be met. But if that will make me happy.. he will do it.
Any thoughts? I do think this is just a hard stage- 7 and 5 year old boys, and 1 year old girl. Perhaps I just need to be content and trust things will work out or opportunities will arise?
Karen’s Answer: I remember full well that yearning to go home, but for me, the timing had to be right for Greg as much as for me. I remember finally giving it over to the Lord and truly allowing him to fill my heart and soul. I did find contentment where I was and it took Greg another two years for us to get on the same page. I can say from experience that it is better to be on the same before you do anything. Being patient during that time is hard, but it is worth it. I would pray about it and really be open to the way God leads you. Pray!
Show Credits: hosted by Karen Stubbs with Sunny Williams, written & produced by Katie Leipprandt, edited by Kyle Cummings
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