Cut Them Some Slack
The middle school years are tough years, no doubt! Our children are growing out of the childlike body and into young adults, and the hormones, peer pressure, and social stress of figuring out “who” you are can take a toll on your child. As a parent here are the top three things you can do for your child:
Recognize that your child is living in “no man’s land.”
They aren’t a child, but they also are not an adult. It’s a confusing time for them, and it will be confusing for you too! Sometimes they truly aren’t thinking straight because their hormones are actually making them crazy. It’s a lot of work for their bodies to morph from child to adult and it makes sense that they are going to feel displaced and misunderstood from time to time. Show some grace for yourself and for them as they experience these big changes.
Practice showing empathy for them and cut them (a little) slack.
Having empathy doesn’t mean you are agreeing with everything they are saying. You are just acknowledging these are hard years and there are going to be days when an eye roll slips out or they huff that you, “just don’t understand!” Don’t let a pattern develop, but it’s okay to let a few things go now and then for your own sanity and theirs.
Call out the good that you see in them.
These are the years when your child is figuring out who they are and what makes them unique. Signing them up to participate on athletic teams or in formal lessons is an obvious way to help them out, but it can be much simpler (and cheaper) as well! If they love music, ask them to create a Spotify channel with their favorite songs for you to listen to. If they are good readers, ask them to read a bedtime book to a sibling.
Calling out the good with your words is powerful too: “You are so good at including others, I noticed you inviting a quiet friend to speak up today, that was awesome,” or “You always notice things that I overlook - that is a real gift, I can’t wait to see how God uses your attention to detail as you grow up.”
Want more advice about the middle school years? Listen to these Wire Talk episodes: